Feather Files: A Million Ways

poke

What?  Oh yes the full moon.  I should do something.  I want to do something.  I need to do something.  But what? Rituals seem so much brouhaha when one is solitary.

go make a brownie.

What?  That’s nuts.  It is late and…

Go. Make. A. Brownie.

OK! OK!  [makes microwave brownie in a mug

Now take it outside.  

Where’s the moon?  Shouldn’t it be up already?  Did miss it? [goes inside to look up time of moonrise, goes back outside just in time to see the moon rising over the mountain peak.  I stand there watching the moon rise, offering up the ka of the first bite.  My mind wanders to how this isn’t what I should be doing.  That my practice is lacking, that I am lacking…

why do you do that?

Do what?

Compare yourself to others.  There are more ways to worship than there are people in the world.  There are a Million ways to worship for each person, none better than the other.  Do you try to do right always?

yes

Do you feel bad when you don’t?

yes

Do you strive to do better?

yes

Then why compare your practice to others and find it lacking?  I love you for who YOU are.  Your talents, your humor, your striving, your curiosity.  I don’t compare you to others and I don’t find you lacking.  I love YOU.  Always.

[The clouds come in and cover the moon, so I stumble my way back inside…fighting back tears.  

I am loved by her.  Little ol’ me.  Loved.  By the goddess of my heart.  It is so hard to imagine, to believe.  I am loved.

(excuse the lack of ending brackets…my keyboard has decided they are no longer necessary to my life…)