Split in two

The last couple days have been trying.  My son and I are butting heads left and right.  The fuse on my temper is short (and his refusal to nap of late, despite the necessity, has made behaving well difficult).  I can find no good reason for it beyond either the trials, tribulations and joys of being the mother of a three year old or the energies of this Halloween season are starting to wear on me.

I don’t typically sense energy too well, but I figure my fascination with skulls this year probably has some reason.  The only two family members that passed during the last year was my husband’s grandmother and my grandfather.  I wasn’t close to either one.  I find myself wanting to surround myself with people and yet I also want to be simply left alone.  I want to party and laugh and be silly.  I want to hunker down, be still and see what I can hear in the quiet.

If I go out of town with Hubby and boy child, I won’t get to do either one.  Though the chance of doing something noisy is more likely.  I may be able to talk Hubby into going out, though neither of us was interested in going to either of the two parties to which we were invited.

If I stay home, I will get my quiet time and me-time.   I may get overwhelmed with quiet and given my temper uncertainties that may not be a good thing.  Yet I wouldn’t have to deal with my son for a time and I wouldn’t have to deal with people not liking my parenting style (you are too harsh, you are too picky about what he eats, etc.).  Yet I also won’t get any one-on-one time with Hubby either.

I can’t decide which one I want to do more.  Though if I had a “boy”-toy, I know what I’d choose then…