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January 28, 2020

Feel free to ignore this but I have something trapped in my head that I need to air so that I can hopefully move on.

I’ve always tried to acknowledge and do something special for my loved ones milestones and special days.  As a college student, in the same year, we had 2 25th Wedding anniversaries, Hubby’s college graduation, Sister’s high school graduation, our wedding and my college graduation.  I/we still managed to pull off 2 surprise parties for each of our parents.  Every year since then I have made honest attempts to honor family on their special days but started scaling back when it was never thanked, more less reciprocated.  I continued to do it with our parents and a few others but really that was it.

Why is this being mentioned now?

My 25th Wedding Anniversary was last September.  We didn’t get anything from anyone, not even a card.  It was in the midst of health and financial problems so I let it slide, thinking maybe they’ll catch up during the holidays.  Well the holidays have come and gone.  NOTHING.  Is it childish to feel hurt?  Probably.  Doesn’t change that I am hurt…and angry.  Oh so angry.

I probably set myself up for this with some sort of expectations.  My need for acknowledgement and validation or some other kind of crap.  The wish for reciprocal…out of decency if nothing else.

Doesn’t change how I feel though.  I feel like I’ve put out so much effort to try and acknowledge others and the feeling of nothing, not even crickets hurts so very much.  When I get hurt, I tend to cycle between tears and anger.  I am so very, very angry.  Raging, bridge burning angry.  Hence this public but not publicized post as a way to try to find my way through and past this.  But.  I. Hurt. And. I. Am. Angry.

One Comment leave one →
  1. January 28, 2020 10:02 AM

    not ‘like’ in that i like what you’re experiencing but i hear you and i get it.

    Liked by 2 people

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