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Daily and Festival Happenings: 7/26 – 8/9

August 12, 2015

What you see on my blog is a meager slice of my life.  Do not presume that you know who I am by what you find here.  As much as gets written down, much more happens that does not.  This is my space, read or not as you please; just don’t lecture me on what I should or should not post.  I find writing cathartic and so do a lot of ranting  and whining, especially in these Daily Happenings posts.  Rants by definition are not based on logic.  Writing down my rants helps me to clean out the ol’ brain pan so that I can find a solution to whatever is bothering me at the moment. Yes I have friends I could lay this stuff on instead, but maybe I don’t want to clutter up their brain pan or bother them when they have their own issues.

Spiritually, I’m still trying to find a steady rhythm on my daily devotional (DD) practice. Right now I do a little something as it strikes me, no formal ritual.  Occasionally been doing short meditations and I always end the day with thanks in front of my shrines.  Prayers, as always, before bed unless I’m ill.

This is longer than usual due to cramming two weeks into one post.

7/26:  Happy Birthday to me!  Didn’t sleep well…got my revenge on Hubby for yesterday…I didn’t let him sleep in either.  He read the Happy Birthday Dr. Seus book to me that my son was supposed to read to me…then took me out for donuts.  After coffee, we went to my mother’s where I had a couple of gifts to open, was given some money to save to go shopping with her.  After having a meal and my birthday brownies, we loaded up the boychild and started the process of heading for home.  Overall I’m content with my birthday…got gifts from my dearest friends, had time with Hubby and got to play dress up…the only thing that would have made it better was a gift or two from the boychild and Hubby…yes Hubby dropped the ball there again.  I’m greedy and childish…as much as I love to give, I love to get them…to admire the pretty package, before I rip into it.  Beyond my greediness, I worry about the poor example Hubby is setting for our child in this area…or is my greed the poor example?  I’m tired and confused on this matter…can’t see past my disappointment…

7/27:  Slept last night for the first time since I started taking the macapause.  I only took one pill in the morning.  It also seemed like my hot flashes ramped up.  I’m trying two pills in the morning and nothing this afternoon and we’ll see how that goes.  I did email their medical team for comment.  Watched DWTS semi-finals with boychild.  Work.  Lunch.  Work.  Home to goulash and a child who made an amazing number of bad choices for one day.  Hubby somehow talked me into working on the chili powder tonight…btw my feet hurt.  Blended coconut oil, spearmint e.o., cedarwood e.o., tea tree and a splash of vanilla…hopefully this will help with the biting bugs next week.

7/28:  Didn’t sleep well.  Got a plan from the company’s medical team.  Going to skip their first suggestion and move to suggestion two since the two pills yesterday left me sleepless.  One pill a day for the next week or so… I told the boychild any toys left in the chore box at the start of school will be gotten rid of…he did three extra chores yesterday…unfortunately he also forgot about his must do chore…  Prayer for Serapis sent off.  Laundry.  Work.  Hubby found a problem on the camping truck and is having a hell of a time fixing it… Prepped dinner by myself while Hubby worked on truck.  More chile powder (different from chili powder).  Finished the banner.

7/29:  Low motivation this morning, didn’t sleep that great.  Laundry, housework and more poor choices from the child.  Menu contemplating.  Oatmeal-Carrot cake cookies made.  Work.  Home to find more poor decisions by my spawn.  Grrr.  Menus and food lists.  Hubby told me that it was a good thing in the long run that I “broke” the camper.  If that hadn’t happened, he would never have found out about the issues in the back end which would have cause much more issues down the road.

7/30:  Spent the day finishing up laundry and packing our clothes.  Dropped yarn off at craft night.  A friend is making me a granny square bag.  Back to the house to prep and pack food.

7/31:  Packing, packing, packing.  Left later than we wanted but made it and got the important stuff set up.  Around the fire cauldron that night (the first of many evenings spent in fellowship), we passed around the symbol/prayer paper for the downfall of Daesh, everyone adding their prayers and energy before before burning it.  Full moon reading in which my lady mother had a lot to say about my lack of devotion and commitment.  Ouch.  She also said not to worry about traditions, to just spent time with her.

so much living and so little writing that I can’t remember all that happened below are the few highlights that got written down.  What didn’t get written down is all the little gifts I got from friends.  Mostly jewelry and lots of love.  Was told repeatedly how good, helpful, polite, etc. my child was…which was wonderful to hear after all the frustrations of late and during the week.  Every evening was spent around the fire cauldron, Hestia’s abode, with much laughter and joy.

8/1:  Finished setting up camp.  Stitched other snake.  Talked with fellow Isis devotee about mutual encouragement for devotional acts and the hows.

8/2:  Dreamed about OSO last night.  The only part of the dream I really remember is screaming at him “I don’t have a place in your life!” and throwing a chair at him.  Pissed off a divorced mother when I pointed out to her that her children are manipulating her and I pointed out to her boy child that my boychild had to obey our rules or else be stuck in camp…  Apple stew made by a campmate…a little too sweet but good.

8/3:  Gifted with a ritual robe from a fellow Isis devotee…then immediately after that I found a small heart charm with what looks like turquoise and carnelian inlays.  Stitched on trade project.  Broke my spirit guide bracelet…found maybe half of the beads…tigereye is surprisingly hard to find in the dirt.  Told my son he could spend the night with his friend and then caught him in a lie.  Like an idiot I let the sleepover happen because we had already told the other child yes.  I so get tired of being the bad guy.

8/4:  Set-up day for ‘fest.  M stuck in camp or with an adult for ‘fest for his lies.  A harsh punishment but he was warned after the antics of last week…every time I try to give him some freedom, he makes bad choices.  Sigh. Feeling useless ’cause my shoulders prevent me from helping.  Started reading book on ancient Greek magical practices.  Checked messages.  Boychild had a strong reaction during the pre-fest ritual that left him sobbing.  Not sure how much is tiredness and how much is talent.

8/5:  Opening day of Dragonfest.  Attended a henna workshop and opening ritual.  Had a talk with the upset mother to clear things up a bit.  The message I got along with the pearl was “Love Yourself.”  Went to town with friends to get flowers for ritual tomorrow.

8/6:  Feeling a bit blue.  Went to the Flower Frenzy which is based on a “Mayan Spiritual Healing Tradition” where flowers and intentions are mixed into water.  Very emotionally charged ritual for many women there so was very exhausting.  I also got badly sunburned despite my efforts to the contrary.  Boychild attended a youth workshop on gemstones.  Shopped merchants row a little.

8/7:  First workshop of the day was a poppet or “voodoo doll” workshop.  The purpose of these dolls was for positive intentions.  I made a very colorful mini-me to remind me to love myself, live colorfully and be authentic.  New ring, steel, has two snakes connected at their tales…reminded me of Zeus and Isis  Re-dyed a silk sarong that I was given years ago…it came out beautifully. Boychild did a nature walk with Youthfest.  Drawing down ritual with boychild.  We both saw Healing Bear who “stands in the temple of Isis and was speaking for Isis.  Not sure what all boychild was told other than the little he told me about needing to be sure he grounds more.  I was told that he is more empathetic than me and that I need to help him remember to ground.  I received some healing from Healing Bear.  I was ordered to give up that which no longer served me…I gave him three things (I don’t remember the first, the second was a relationship issue and the third was my dislike of myself.)  I was told that Isis does not choose the unworthy and she has chosen me…I was also ordered to not pick up these three things again…so it sucks that I can’t remember what the first item was!  Had to take boychild back to camp as he kept trying to help everyone else instead of grounding himself…good thing Hubby is a great energy sink.

8/8:  Corporate meeting where they gave out 30th anniversary pins to everyone that attended.  Went to the reclaiming rite of passage so I now have a ritual cord.  Went to a workshop to learn how to make fabric and rope baskets while Hubby went to the Yeast Herders Gatherum (read that as try everyone’s homebrews).  Not sure what all boychild did other than attend the Heathen games.  Major mommy fail…Hubby (at my insistence) took the boychild shopping for my birthday…and while I like the idea of what he picked I disliked the actual items.  We’ve always had a family policy that it is the thought that counts but no one has to keep what they don’t like…boychild was very upset that I didn’t want the items.  Hell I felt bad but we don’t have the money to waste on items I won’t wear…it didn’t help that he was tired and hungry from skipping lunch (not sure HOW that happened).  Hubby gave me a small cast iron cauldron with goddess symbol on it…not sure what I’ll do with it.  A friend gifted me with some really cute octopus earrings.  Stone soup where I won some feathers in the raffle.  Blot for Thor so that Raven could dedicate to him.  I also (re?)dedicated to Isis.  Boychild also participated in the blot.  He did very well especially due to the strange-to-us ritual…and then had a meltdown from not grounding well.  Afterwards though I had ego issues, abandonment issues, self-worth issues and so cried a lot after camp emptied for “midnight” bocce ball.  Hubby didn’t know what to say other than he appreciated me.

8/9:  Traded in the items that the boychild got me…tried to stick with the theme he purchased as he refused to go with me to help.  He was delighted with everything that I got though.  Was gifted with a lovely wooden spoon that has an octopus burned into it. After closing ritual was the gift tree ritual.  We left many items.  Boychild came away with a lovely walking stick and I got a bead necklace and oracle deck.  Tear down of festival.  I picked up the trail solar lights then started walking for trash. Cleaned the camper and started dismantling a few things around camp. Ended up having potluck at our camp for the remaining staff and volunteers.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 13, 2015 3:04 AM

    the festival sounds lovely! love that you go with your son.
    wish you wouldn’t beat yourself up for wanting a gift on your birthday. while i think the ‘love language’ thing is overdone frequently, there’s a solid bedrock of truth to it. you are NOT greedy and childish- far from it. it’s just a tangible way for those you love to say ‘i love you’ back in a way that makes your heart happy. i wish your near and dear would accommodate you in it, just as you do when you make them a meal they love or make one of your beautiful creations for them.
    khaire
    suz

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    • August 13, 2015 8:28 AM

      It is a lovely family festival with a mixture of Pagans and Polytheists. Hubby and I have been on staff for roughly 8 years. Boychild has been going since he was 6 months old.

      Thanks Suz. I flip between feeling greedy and feeling righteous about it. Hubby used to do very well for the “important” days…not sure what has changed for him but I’m working on getting him back to that…meanwhile I bitch here about it so that I don’t have a hissy fit in his face which would be counterproductive. As for everyone else, [shrug, I’m sure there is a million reasons but my mama generally comes through as she knows my issues. I will say I feel very gifted by my close friends and campmates.

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