Daily Happenings 12/14 – 12/20
Just a reminder…my journal blogs are mostly for me and the few people that truly want to know what I do on a daily basis. Read or ignore as you please. Been trying to greet my main shrines twice a day when home but usually only get it done in the evenings…stress has taken a toll and if I can’t approach the shrines with a grateful heart, I don’t want to approach at all… and say prayers before bed. Warning: may contain rants…rants by definition are not based on logic and are solely for the purpose of clearing headspace so that I can address things in a more positive fashion.
12/14: so didn’t want to get up today but also worried about the weather and then there was the homework that the boychild needed to finish. Helped him through his writing assignment. It took longer than I would have liked but had an easier time than I expected too. I think he has a better understanding of how it needs to be done too… Delivered gifts to my heartsister and roboknees. They seemed to like them. Would have liked to spend more time basking in their welcoming presence but needed to get on the road to get home. Went and picked up the boychild and bags. Ended up in a discussion on why sugar cereal should only be ate in small portions. Listened to book on the way home…it is getting better. Boychild listened quietly…even drew me a picture. Unloaded. Watched the Bronco game. Made dinner and watched a movie. Put boychild to bed, we had a pretty good day. At 11pm, Hubby still isn’t home but only about half way. Can’t keep my eyes open, going to bed any way.
12/15: Didn’t sleep well…seems like everytime I fell asleep something would wake me up. Good morning with the boychild. Two bills paid. Stitched. Worked. Home for “lunch”, also helped boychild with some homework. He sure has a lot today for the week. Work. Home and very tired. Ate a little dinner, too tired to do much of anything, though I did email his teacher about the excess homework. I almost forgot, friend gifted me with two glass skull ornaments. The look to be rather old or at least old fashioned in style. Thankful for friends that just “get” me…and put up with me any way.
12/16: Morning was fine until it came time to get teeth brushed. I spent the rest of my morning assembling a wrapping station…because I’m an idiot. I should have been stitching or actually wrapping or sewing gifts…but the wrapping station will help contain the mess a bit. Work…very boring day. Home to help/argue boychild with homework. No response from teacher. Wrapped some gifts while watching the boob tube.
12/17: I haven’t had a night that bad in a long time. Feel like crap. Went back to bed for a couple of hours. Helped but still so tired and dragging. Laundry started. Sometimes the hardest thing to do with an open heart is receive. My son received a secret santa package in the mail today. A dear and generous friend sent it. I won’t lie, a part of me is a bit embarrassed because it was to this friend that I did some major ranting about our financial situation…which while not dire is rather ugly and very much strapped. This is my issues coming to the fore…the need to not beholden to anyone (which may be surprising to those that know about our days in the quad…I very much feel beholden to them for the money they spent on us and occasionally still do through gifts). I flip between being awed by the generosity and embarrassed by the gesture, because this year for the first time, the majority of our gifts to our child are homemade by me. We did manage to come up with a few purchased gifts. Anyone who says that it is the thought that counts obviously doesn’t remember being a child. I realize that to refuse out of pride or even make a big deal of it would be to cheapen the gesture and wound the one that sent it. I would hate to do that. I just hope that at some point I can pay it forward. That friends like these can teach me to be as generous as they instead of the penny pinching wretch that I am. Picked up the boychild then took him over to the dollar store to buy his secret santa gift. I was secretly proud of the fact that he spent a little more than required so that he could get the gift that he thought the person would like. Helped with homework. Work…long boring and exhausting…no wait I was that before I went it. I feel like crap…allergies I think but nothing I take seems to help. I got too much to do to feel this way. Stitched. Nasal rinse…only partially successful.
12/18: damn sore throat made sleep uneasy ’cause it hurts every time I swallow but slept better than the night before. Vitamin search for a friend. Laundry. Stitch, while listening to an audio class. Cocoa gift assembled for a friend. Bell wreath fixed. Nothing looks good food-wise…haven’t been eating that well partially because of the lack of food in the fridge (needing to make sure boychild has adequate lunches) and partially because it just doesn’t sound good…I’m hungry but there isn’t anything I really want. I end up munching on veggies just to fill my belly which isn’t bad I guess. Veggies just don’t taste good…made a sweet potato brownie in a mug…what? It has fiber and vitamins, protein and chocolate. NO motivation…and I’m fucking tired of this sore throat. Grocery shopping. Picked up a boychild who had a melt down when his teacher approached me. Another week of too distracted causing him to not get his packet done. He has to get the packet done before the party tomorrow. Teacher said she’ll work to figure out a way to provide him with a space or way to deal with the distractions. Got him through his homework in a reasonable amount of time then made cookies for his party tomorrow. Craft night where one of the ladies invited me to a Solstice ritual…which surprised me as I figured I was the only one up here that did that. She’s supposed to send me an email. Coughing and gagging…it is gonna be a long night.
12/19: so tired…very rough night…every time I started to fall asleep I’d start coughing. Boychild to school. Gift for his teacher bagged up. Wrapped gifts. Went to boychild’s Christmas party at school. He did get his packet done. Home. Stitching. Prepping gifts for the grandparents. Boychild got a sudden desire to brush and “fix” my hair…Utterly bizarre. Threw together some dinner. So very tired. Another nasal rinse…this one went better than the previous 2 days. Hopefully I’ll sleep tonight.
12/20: This would have been a good day to have never left my bed. Hubby and I didn’t get up until fairly late. I didn’t find any motivation until early afternoon. The plan was to clean house, put away laundry, shower, watch a movie and do a solstice eve ritual with my boychild. First room I go to clean was the bathroom…where I discovered that the toilet had been leaking for who knows how long. Loaded up the boychild drove the 40 minutes to Lowes where we loaded up on material we really couldn’t afford, drove back and instead of cleaning up to do ritual and making fond memories I’m stressing. I will point out that I told my husband (repeatedly until he got irritated and yelled at me that it was condensation off the tank of the toilet without looking at it) I don’t know how long ago that I thought it might be leaking. This is NOT the type of memories I wanted to be making. This is NOT how I wanted to spend our family time. This is NOT how I wanted to spend our money at this time. Feeling VERY childish and pissy…and teary. Threw together some dinner. Trying to find some mental peace and acceptance. No under tile heat because he can’t find (or never had) the temperature sensor for it and isn’t even sure he can get another one because it is an old(er) system. Trying not to become a raging bitch now. I’ve been asking for heated tile in that bathroom since we moved in (1998). Finished boychild’s ornament for the year. Trying to clean a resin item that has been sitting in the sewage puddle for I don’t know how long. Nothing is taking out the smell. Hubby began tiling at 10:45pm. Worried that the slate-like tile is going to be too dark for that bathroom. Too late now though. Prosperity prayer written and placed on the altar under a beeswax candle. Very tired and frazzled. I went to bed about 2:30…Hubby sometime after 4am.