Daily Happenings: 9/14 – 9/20
Just a reminder…my journal blogs are mostly for me and the few people that truly want to know what I do on a daily basis. Read or ignore as you please. Unless otherwise stated, I greet my main shrines twice a day when home and say prayers before bed. Warning: may contain rants…rants by definition are not based on logic and are solely for the purpose of clearing headspace so that I can address things in a more positive fashion.
9/14: Not in a good headspace today. Upset that Hubby is working today. Worried about our finances and that no matter what we do or how hard we work, we can’t seem to get far enough ahead to matter. Had my feelings hurt. Did an emotions dump on my poor unsuspecting friend. Went to an acquaintance’s yard sale and got an oak leaf greenman. Not in the best of condition but I liked it and he seems to need the money. Boychild and I talked about how we will fix it up. Drove home. Ended up finishing our audio book 5 minutes into the drive. Managed to make it home with time to make a meal before the Bronco game started. Started stitching half way through the game as the offence was pissing me off. Luckily for them, they still managed to win but really need to start playing better. Made boychild read for 20 minutes. Gave him another nebulizer treatment as his cough seems to have returned. I think the physician’s assistant is an idiot…I probably should have kept up the treatments over the weekend. Made dinner, read him a chapter of HP4 and put him to bed. Hubby got home about 9pm. I’m starting to cough. Looks like I may have “finally” caught the child’s cold. Paid some bills.
9/15: An argument filled morning with the boychild. May be time to go back to the chart were he has to earn privileges again. Did give him a treatment before he went to school. Trying to incorporate a little bit of meditation as part of my morning altar greeting. Today I visited with a few of my guides/spirit companions…I’ve been trying to learn more about one of my guides but he is resolutely silent. In this meditation he moved to my back but spread his wings in a protective pose. I was reminded of another guide that I need to learn more about…the magpie…who tends to fly ahead of me in my visualizations, though did land on my left shoulder in this meditation. Tarot. Workout. Work. Lunch. Work. Tired.
9/16: Not a great night for sleep…maybe 3 good hours…which are better than none. Some more bills. Found some decorative, functional measuring spoons that I’ve been wanting. Bought them even though I shouldn’t have but with reward credit, I dished out less than $9 with shipping on something that normally costs $20 before shipping. Tarot. Pork Roast in crockpot. Laundry started. Work…very boring…trying to look busy is more tiring than actually being busy. Asked Hubby if he wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow…got the typical song and dance about how he’s too busy at work…”we’ll do something to celebrate sometime this week…with the boychild unfortunately ’cause we don’t have anything else we can do with him”. Feeling oh so loved and treasured. Not. Watched “Dancing with the Stars”. Impressed with some of the dancers especially “Carlton” and Randy Couture. Hurt feelings led to unproductive discussions with a man who sees tomorrow as just another day…I don’t know what happened in the last 18 months but he used to make more of an effort. It isn’t that he doesn’t love me, ’cause I know he does but…I don’t know…he doesn’t find our relationship noteworthy or special or…any more I guess. Old hat, a convenience…
9/17: Wasn’t going to post anything on FB about our anniversary…Hubby (surprisingly) and his mother did. I was going to post “Just. Another. Day.” I’m upset. Would I like a gift? Sure. I love gifts, giving and getting. But that isn’t it. I want to know that he feels like he didn’t make a mistake. That this day 20 years ago, was a good day. I want to spend time with him, time remembering WHY we’ve last 20 years. He…feels no need, doesn’t see the point, etc. He can take the time to sleep in but not to do lunch with me…it is all about priorities and I’m not one of them. OK this little rant has helped me (which is why I rant here) find the crux of the problem so that I could explain it to Hubby without upset/rancor/yelling/tears why his lack of action on these special days is so upsetting to me. Not sure if it will do any good but I feel a bit better for being able to voice it. Laundry…found a leak on the washer. Low motivation today, combined with general laziness…my lack of sleep is catching up with me. Tarot. Worked on the fabric covered panels for the boychild’s timeout bench. Picked him up from school. Work. Grocery store. Home were Hubby had a warm dinner waiting for me (and sat with me while I ate)…his peace offering for the day, I think, as he told Morgan he wanted to make something nicer than usual for me for dinner. Boychild also sung “Happy Anniversary to you” when I went up to tuck him in. Do I feel like our relationship has been celebrated? No. But I do feel loved and that will have to be enough.
9/18: Bad night, neck issues from shelf reading ‘causing headache. Scanned some of the pictures from our wedding album. Got the panels taped to the timeout bench. Took the nebulizer back. Stopped by the dentist to get a quote on check-up. Had heart attack over the cost. Worked on craft photos. Got my act together and walked to pick the boychild up. Glad I did as I lost my headache somewhere along the way. It was a nice warm day. Took bunches of pictures on the way home of the colors. Even had a friend tell me I looked great, asking if I’d lost weight. Craft night. Is it wrong to be pissed that Hubby is working all weekend? There’s an anniversary to celebrate (still hopeful, silly me), a boychild that wants to spend time with both parents, a leaky washer that he needs to do more than turn the water off to it, projects that need to be done before the cold sets in and he’s gonna go work at everyone else’s house. Yes we need the money but we need to tend to us and ours too! ARRRGH! I just want a little balance! I wallowed in misery this morning so didn’t get my tarot work done or altars greeted. Emotions are flipping like a coin tonight. Happy, sad, irritated, laughing, etc. I think menopause is a bigger roller coaster than PMS or even pregnancy ever was. As he was tucking me (which is one of those little things that he does that I adore), Hubby told me to pick a place for dinner for Saturday night. Unfortunately, we will have the boychild but at least we will be celebrating.
9/19: slept better last night but still tired. Boychild has pictures today. He picked out a shirt and vest…vest is too short but I allowed it any way. Just picked a pose that was more of a head shot than body. Time to look for new dress clothes for him. Hubby has a headache this morning…if he won’t take care of himself, his body will do it for him it seems. He needs the down time but this isn’t how I would have liked him to get it. He finally got up and got going. I spent way too much time trying to figure out an easier way to get photos off my phone. Ended up stealing a patch cord from Hubby in order to do it. Got them downloaded, now uploading 2013 pics so that I can make the yearbook. Middle of doing this Hubby comes back and takes me to lunch. It was nice to spend some time with him, even if he is a little too attached to his phone at times. I can be about as bad, I just try to not do it at the table. Walked to get the boychild again. It is probably warmer now that it was most of the summer. Tried to talk him into taking a LONG walk to get home, but he wasn’t having it. Boychild hysterical tonight over not being able to draw well. I sympathize ’cause I can’t either…he needs to either practice more or accept it. Working on 2013 photo book.
9/20: Up late. Hubby to work. I asked him if we were still doing dinner tonight due to finances. He said there should be a check on Monday, so yes. Boychild and I went to the local reservoir to enjoy the fall colors and beautiful day. We took a boat load of pictures too. Pretty good afternoon. An oddity: there was a section that we passed, that my son told me contained a bunch of faery homes so I took pictures…when I looked at them when we got home, there is a rainbow sheen over those pictures only. Kept seeing a gray bird that I’ve never seen before. Dressed up for dinner in the new dress…which Hubby said was “OK”…sigh…my son said I looked beautiful…he is a sweet, sensitive, generous child at times. Indian food, not great, but not bad either. Boychild liked it. We’ve been trying for a while to get him to try it. Looked up the gray bird, a gray jay…member of the crow family…just like magpies.