Daily Practices: 5/4 – 5/ 10

Just a reminder…my journal blogs are mostly for me and the few people that truly want to know what I do on a daily basis.  Read or ignore as you please.  Unless otherwise stated, I greet my main altars twice a day and say prayers before bed.  Warning:  may contain rants…rants by definition are not based on logic and are solely for the purpose of clearing headspace so that I can address things in a more positive fashion.

5/4:  Since my son got all 16 lines of writing done he got to watch a movie.  Once I got up and got ready, I loaded him up and we spent the morning and early afternoon with my parents.  Mostly just chatting.  Mom and I did walk the boychild down to the elementary school to play on the equipment there.  Today was a little bit too hot for this mountain girl…about 30 degrees warmer than our warmest temperatures at home so far this year.  Drank lots and lots of water.  Went back to the inlaws, loaded everything up (except for Hubby) and headed for home.  Stopped at Pet’s Mart to get some head gear for my dog so that we can actually walk him.  Inlaws yesterday tried it out on Kory and it worked fantastically well…so my son and I will actually be able to take him for walks.  Yay!  Everything else we tried didn’t work and with my bad shoulders I couldn’t walk him.  Ended up getting fish too since our fish tank at home was empty.  On the road, then dinner, then back on the road, grocery store and home.  Got the child put to bed.  Hubby got home.  I’ve spent the evening catching up on everything that I didn’t look at over the weekend.

5/5:  A combination of lectures and encouragement to my son the human frog this morning.  (He’s having allergy/sinus issues…or a cold.)  Called a medical billing company…who can’t figure out how to get ahold of the proper insurance company…  Got my husband’s refill called in ’cause he can’t make the time to do it?!  Started laundry.  Hubby came by with the trash trailer so I gathered up the little bit of trash that we do generate.  Between recycling/reusing, careful management and a dog (aka 4-legged-garbage-disposal aka poop machine), we really don’t generate that much trash.  Work on yearbook.  Work.  Pick up boychild, eat and go back to work.  Work on yearbook.

5/6:  Son greeted altars with me this morning.  Yearbook and laundry.  Work.  Came home angry.  Cranky, drunk, crazy patron acted up at work.  She was pissed because there were no VCR adult movies and she doesn’t have a DVD player.  Over the course of 5 minutes or so of dealing with her, she verbally threatened to shoot us or use a knife on us.  I’m having a hard time nailing down why I’m so angry.  Maybe because I felt powerless to deal with her.  The first time she threatened she should have got a warning.  The second time she should have been shown the door.  I am angry at being forced to be a doormat for her issues and I didn’t even get the brunt of it, my boss did.  I should point out that I do think these were idle threats, bids for attention but unacceptable nonetheless.   Watched DWTS to unwind.  Feeling blue for some reason.  Got the pictures I need, so I can get the yearbook close to being finished.  All I’m waiting on is lists of names and hopefully an nice opening letter.

5/7:  More work on the yearbook.  Waiting on a final list of names and the letter, then it will be ready for someone else to review!  Laundry. Work.  Tired and rather unmotivated.

5/8:  not a lot of sleep…maybe 3 hours.  Received a late picture for the yearbook.  It would have been nice if they had told me a child was absent so that I didn’t have to completely redo the page she goes on.  Hubby left later than he expected this morning due to a really bad headache.  Trying to arrange things for Mother’s Day weekend.  Hubby has given every indication that he’s gonna drop the “ball” this weekend.  So it will probably be another day where I want to feel valued and instead will feel like a commodity or just part of the landscape.  I love the man dearly but his idea of showing love and appreciation rarely are in the same ballpark as mine.  I don’t even require a gift, just a little thought and a whole lot of his time.  Time is money where he is concerned…unless it involves his interests and then there is no objection.  OK, I’m feeling unappreciated, need to go do some self-care…or hide in a book.  Yearbook, laundry and scanning pics.  Laundry put away, boychild packed for Denver, sweet potato pancakes for dinner (boychild got to eat his lunch instead), craft night.  Put what I hope to be the finishing touches on the yearbook.  Tired of looking at it.

5/9:  Took boychild to school.  Friend came over to look at yearbook.  Packed.  Afternoon field trip with the boychild.  Left school early and packed up the truck.  On the way out of town we stopped by the local thrift store (cause something in the window caught my eye).  I told my son before he could even ask “no we will not look at toys”…”Ok…can we look at books?”  Uh oh.  He really is my child and has found my weak spot.  We both walked out with a book.  Denver…to find my mother-in-law weeding out her books…yeah another bag of books that I will read and donate to the library.  Dinner with an old friend of Hubby’s and her husband.

5/10:  woke up feeling at loose ends…tried to get together with someone but when that failed, I figured with the mood I’m in I’m better on my own.  Picked up some shirts at a thrift store.  Went to Joann’s.  Got a sun/stars and moon symbol to hang on the house.  Went to Lowe’s didn’t like their flower selection.  Went to Home Depot and got flowers for the mothers.  Went back to the house and read (also known as hid in a book).  Before dinner, Hubby informs me that he will be working tomorrow.  Gee don’t I feel loved and celebrated.  I’ll be fucking shocked if he took the time and effort to get me anything either as the mother of his child or for his child who needs his assistance in this matter.  Very hurt, very angry and what’s more… not surprised.  He did EXACTLY as I expected.  What upsets me even more, is the knowledge that my little imitator who looks up to his father may imitate him in this some day.  That days where you should make the effort to make someone feel special will pass by unremarked and there will be someone else as hurt as I am.  He missed our 24th anniversary.  He missed Valentine’s day.  It’s just another day for him.  It would be different if I felt special or treasured or something in the everyday… instead I feel like a misbehaving convenience.