behind every criticism is a wish
This is very applicable to my life I think… brackets are my rephrasing of the author’s original writing. This is something I really want to remember.
“People who [have low self-esteem] feel defensive against even minor criticism. They find it intolerable to be confronted with their mistakes, and they often feel judged by others. They often put a lot of energy in trying to be perfect. Remember this: Behind every criticism is a wish. So you could ask [the person] to express what he would prefer, and to leave out all judgment, blame and criticism. If that works, perhaps you have found a way to change the dynamic where you feel criticized and then feel the need to withdraw or attack back.” Neil Rosenthal