I believe the ability to make friends, keep friends and even deepen a friendship is a learned trait. My parents didn’t have friends when I was a child. My mom had her sisters but that was the extent of it. So it is something I’ve never learned. I haven’t the slightest clue what to do, what is too much or not enough once I meet someone that I want to befriend, especially a female someone ’cause they are infinitely more difficult than males IMO. I can be “one of the guys” quite easily, but one of the girls, not so much.
I’m not especially close to my sister…we live in two different worlds in more ways than one. I’m sure she cares for me, but if I wasn’t related to her, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have anything to do with me. I miss female companionship. I once thought I had that type of friendship going, but got kicked in the face. I’ve made the effort repeatedly over the years with other women but it never seems to work out. Different places in life, too old, too young, too weird, not weird enough. I’m getting gunshy. I watch movies, tv and facebook envying the “best friends” vibe that I often see.
I think about giving up, about not putting myself through that effort any more, that expectation, that failed hope…but I have a child. He has to learn from somewhere…to keep trying if nothing else. He needs to see that the partner in his life has to have outside relationships to be “healthy”. That life cannot just revolve around home, husband and child.
Sorry. I’m tired. I’m pissy. I’m blue. I want to do nothing but hide from everyone and everything. Instead I’m going to go finish getting ready for work, clean the snow off my truck, take the child to his playdate and try to find a pleasant face for dealing with the public.