Wealth from the Divine
When I first saw this question I panicked because I didn’t know how to put this in words. I know my life has been enriched but to put it in words…I couldn’t encompass how. So I figured this is something that I would not participate in. My tarot readings have pointed out over and over of late that I’m to go my own direction, to not worry/pay attention to the larger community, that I am on an individualistic path. I read a few responses and then my brain started to burn with ideas. Poking at me until I finally agreed to write something down.
In some ways, I’ve been on this path longer than I realized. I promised devotion to Isis when I was a child and meant it. Yet as a dutiful child, I tried to find comfort and belonging in my mother’s belief system. I never found it. I was constantly questioning why. I was consistently disgusted and angered over the second place status given to women. I tried, really tried for the love I bear my mother. It wasn’t until another love came into my life, my husband, that I found the support and the gumption to follow my heart. I looked into Wicca. I looked into the Norse pantheon. I looked into the Celtic pantheons. I shied away from the Egyptian pantheon because of the difficulties in understanding that desert culture, not remembering my promise to Isis, yet always drawn to Bast and later Bes, Nephthys; always curious about that pantheon. Along the way of learning about different Pagan (or Polytheist, if you prefer) paths and different cultures, I met and spoke with people that I never would have on the religious path of my youth…I got to learn different viewpoints, meet gays and transgendered people, go to drum circles, learn a measure of comfort in nudity and the nude body, etc. I learned about polyamory. We ended up in a polyamorous relationship and a piece of my heart will always belong with my OSO. Because of that relationship, I honored Aphrodite for a long time. My interest in her lead to an increased interest in the Greek pantheon. It wasn’t until a workshop on Dionysos that things started to fall into place. My interest in Dionysos, brought Hermes into my life, who delivered me to Zeus.
Ah Zeus. The love I bear now for this much maligned divinity is too large to ever describe adequately. He had quite the job of working on me for he reminded me too much of my mother’s path. With patience, Zeus enfolded himself into my heart. I do not pay him the type of devotion that I see others give the gods of their heart, because it doesn’t come natural to me. He has made no demands other than to know him by coming to him. The love I bear him is a personal love like I bear for a family member. It is a personal love, a love I bear for someone I trust even when I don’t understand. This love found me revolving around him in a rather henotheist way. I began to worry about reverting to some of the behaviors I found unacceptable in the faith of my youth. I asked him for a goddess to balance him out.
A series of meditations presented me with a loving goddess that resembled the Naga Kanya in form, yet while dark haired she was not Indian. For the longest time, I thought it was Hekate and I tried so hard to become closer to her but while she was accepting and caring there was always that distance that is not there with Zeus. I had a number of hints some of which passed completely over my head. Not too long ago, a puzzle piece in my head literally fell into place. I heard the shnick as it clicked in and suddenly I could see all of that which I could not before. Understood all those hints that flew over my head. Isis. I’m at awe over her patience and the love she bares even for stubborn, wayward children.
Now I have the two guiding divinities that I’ve wanted and I have no doubt that my learning process has just begun. I’ve come a long way from that dutiful child but I have so much farther to go. So what wealth has the divinities given me? They’ve broadened my horizons. I’ve got to experience and learn things I never would have had I stayed on the Roman Catholic path. They’ve given me a steady internal confidence that allows to me to look at the diversity of the world with curious, positive and tolerant views, instead of the doubtful and negative views of the past. They’ve given me a steady base from which I can explore whatever strikes my curiosity. Because of the gods, because of my path, I am a better person and I like to think a better parent than I would have been otherwise. That is not the wealth of the bank, but the wealth of the heart. I am lucky to be a child of Zeus and Isis.