Daily Practices: 2/16 – 2/22
2/16: Got up, got my act together and drove over the hill to get some birthday shopping done and then came back before the weather moved in. Hubby shoveled off the roof which means the snow is packed about 3-4′ deep in the dogs yard. That meltage is gonna make a mess. Finished one of the decorations for my son’s birthday party next weekend. Made lasagna rolls for dinner. Read another chapter of Harry Potter #3 to my son. Mug chocolate chip cookie for dessert (note to self: leave out the egg yolk to avoid belly ache). Watched Star Trek Continues on youtube.
2/17: Day off for me and the boychild. Laundry started. Worked on birthday party decorations. Went through all the legos to gather up minifigures while watching the Butler. My son enjoyed the movie more than I did. It was too disjointed for my liking and the ending with him striding off to meet Obama was a lousy way to tie it up, IMO. Also watched Hansel and Gretel. Eh. Should have kept the red head alive and killed off the wanna-be.
2/18: Researching for next blog post. Exercised. Laundry. Put up a few more birthday decorations. Work. Starting to stress out (again). Can’t pay our electric bill, can’t pay my student loan, can’t pay several other large bills…have people up this weekend…not sure how or what I’m going to feed them. Pantry and freezer are the emptiest they’ve ever been I think. Was supposed to go see a niece compete in Colorado Springs, can’t afford to go. Some of the family are coming up here at some point after that to go skiing…yeah can’t afford that either. Things haven’t been this bad in a lonnnnng time. Hubby’s got jobs but no one wants to move on them. Got to go distract myself before my stress levels spiral out of control. It is getting harder to come up with things for my Thankful blog…
2/19: Trying not to think about the stressful things, taking one day at a time. Today more party prep. Cutting out lego bricks. I find it extremely hard to allow people other than my husband to help me out even when I’m at the end of my rope and holding on to that knot for dear life. It triggers trust issues (will they actually follow through? what are they going to expect in return?), incompetency issues (I/we shouldn’t need their help I/we should be able to do it my/ourself) and self-worth issues (what are they going to think of me/us now? does this make me a bad hostess?). Yet part of me is relieved to let that one item go, to cross that item off my todo list. I give self lectures on accepting others at face value until they prove otherwise or allowing the give and take that all relationships need to have to work. Doesn’t stop my immediate reaction of “ah fuck that wasn’t what I meant when I went off on that panic/depression-induced rant…I just wanted a place to dump that isn’t my husband’s stressed out ear. Thank you yes for your generousity. No wait, no I wasn’t asking for help…or was I? Fuck, I don’t even know what to do or say now.“. Dealt with child drama and idiocy then went to work. Came home and started reading…it isn’t calgon but it will do.
2/20: Didn’t sleep well…hot flashes kept waking me up. Laundry put away. Starting my spot clean-up. Made a sharpie mug for the boychild using these directions. I’m kinda tickled at how well it came out though the proof will be after I “fire” it and then wash it. I will be incredibly bummed if it washes off. So…Hubby got a reminder on why it is a bad idea to startle me and we both found out how on edge I truly am…damn lucky I didn’t get cleaning chemicals in his eyes. Sobbing apologies followed immediately. I’m a mess. Bathroom is clean or at least cleaner (cause really…is a bathroom every totally and completely clean? Maybe for 3 minutes). Asked the boychild to put up some of the Lego decorations for his party…so he put an “I love you” sign next to my desk out of the paper lego bricks. Not what I had in mind but cute. My son’s fit over doing his spelling homework pushed my buttons and I lost my temper. Sent him to bed a bit early. Safer for both of us. Finished the book I started yesterday. Got the new motif stitched on the birthday sign and some recipes typed into the program.
2/21: So didn’t want to get up this morning and it was a rough morning for the boychild, moved at a snail’s pace, yelling, etc which made me bitchy. [sigh] I hate yelling in the morning, it starts the day off on the wrong foot and I end up feeling like a bad mother. Starting next week, he’s going to have to earn electronic time by getting ready for school without any altercations between the two of us. My homework is finding better ways to show and direct my irritation and avoid getting angry…especially over the little things. “Fired” the cup today. I’m a bit bummed…the red turned to a medium brown, the yellow turned to a light brown and the orange to a brick red. The black is the only color to have fared well. Wrapped gifts. My mind boggles at wrapping paper that is too thin to wrap anything dark colored since it shows through…. Completely melt down where the boychild is concerned. Lack of proper behaviour, etc. I’m at a bit of a loss how to fix this. Finished cleaning house and getting ready for guests. Hubby gave him the same lecture I did almost word for word…nice when we are on the same page. Baked his cake.
2/22: Out of town guests later than expected because of traffic problems. Got the cake decorated. Celebrated my son’s birthday. Only two of his friend’s came but he seemed ok with that. They had a good time I think. He got lots of lego gifts. Once all the grandparents left, we had a great time visiting with our friends…didn’t head to bed until after 1am. It was a great way to unwind after the stresses of the last couple of weeks.