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rebound lecture

January 4, 2014
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Ever lecture a child and feel it echoing from above…like it is rebounding so that you could hear and receive the same message that you sent out.  Yeah…

I’ve been having spiritual issues.  Not with the who but with the how.  So in my dithering, I’ve let things slide more than I should.  In doing so, I’ve either cut my nose to spit my face.  When I’ve done something, whether offerings or meditation, I’ve wondered why no response or feedback.  Which causes me to fret more about the how and yeah a feedback loop.

So yesterday, I handed something to my son to put away and he said something to the effect “why can’t you do something for me for a change?”  I lost it.  I pointed out the things that I’ve done for him and do for him on a regular basis.  His punishment was 20 push-ups and a written apology.   Sitting down at my desk to calm down and such, I felt/heard the rebound.  It was like it was coming from above me and it was gentler than what my hurt handed out to my son, it was pretty much the same message.  Yeah…I feel lower than a snake’s belly but still unsure on how to manage other than to stop asking for their blessings and protections until I can “fix” my screw-up.

Essentially I’m a logical person and I have the scientific background to back that up.  My crisis is finding a common ground between spiritual beliefs and scientific reality.  Things really came to ahead over the holidays.  Logically, I’m (re)developing issues with the mythic stories and trying to reenact them on a yearly basis.  We know that sun isn’t in the otherworld, that the tilt is responsible for the season, Persephone probably doesn’t travel up and down but goes where she is needed, etc.  The more this bothered me the less I felt able to celebrate Heliogenna like I wanted.  I love the fact that the light is returning and I need to shift my focus to that but…how?  Then there is the whole polytheist/duotheist mess.  I don’t believe in an infinite number of gods but only 2 doesn’t seem right either.  My need for simplicity means I want to reduce to 2 but realism points out the unlikelihood of that.  The more I try to resolve these two internal conflicts the less I want to do anything…

Finally accepting Isis as my Lady (you wouldn’t believe the “coincides” that have occurred in the last 6 months or so…hell I’m having a hard time believing it…really she has been EXTREMELY patient with me) who is very much a Universal Mother Goddess has added to the difficulties, especially since I can see Zeus as the Universal Father God…but then there is Hermes and Hestia to whom I’m rather attached.  And where do Aphrodite and Ares fit in?  It really makes my head hurt.  Not to mention Isis has so much of her own history and methodology to wade through…I have no idea where to start…[head/desk and repeat]

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 4, 2014 10:50 PM

    Does it help at all to think of them as faces of one (or a couple) of deities? My tradition is very much in the “we are all talking to the same thing, not matter what we call it…it’s all about how we make that connection” place. Knowing that I am simply finding my own connection to something that is essentially unknowable helps to quell the logical part of my brain that gets on that same scientific treadmill.

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    • January 4, 2014 10:55 PM

      for me it is the problem of details…it’s all in the details. Suspending logic has become really difficult of late for whatever reason and the need to simplify so that I can understand it better is very hard to resist but I’m not positive if that is the correct or appropriate move to make. There is a lesson here, I’m sure, but the ingrained stubbornness is not helping.

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