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10/8/12: a reading

November 5, 2012

[I’m slowly going to transfer over my off-line journal to here until I’m caught up so the date in the title is the date of the journal entry]

Didn’t sleep well last night so I pulled out my Lenormand deck to get advice on how to manage my day as sleep deprivation leaves feeling rather unmotivated. This is a deck I created/trimmed from a tarot deck and it has a few extra cards. One of which is a card for my animal guides. This is the card I pulled so I pulled out my tarot deck dedicated to my animal guides, Animals Divine. I asked two questions:

What shall I do with my day?
Gaia/World, 9 of Wands/Snake, Venus/Knight of Cups, Xochiquetzal/Tempeance, Horus/The Sun
Endings/Beginnings, need to re-integrate self, reengage spiritual elements, balance, illumination, bring together opposites

How should I do this?
Octopus/8 of cups, Kuan Yin/Star, Sparrow/2 of Swords, Mistress of Animals/Knight of Pentacles, dragonfly/2 of Wands
Over extended self, insight, be gentle with self, meditation, adventure, balance, harmony, intuition

Snakes are one of my animal helpers, dragonfly is the pupil of an amethyst eye on my 3rd eye chakrah, Venus and Xochiquetzl are similar deities to Aphrodite who have studied quite a bit in my past, Kuan Yin is a signal for me that I need to have more care for myself, Mistress of Animals is Artemis who belongs only to herself, Horus I related to Zeus with his eyes being the sun and moon.  The octopus is an animal that I’ve slowly developed a strong fascination for…in the card the octopus has a cup in each tentacle symbolizing scattered energies, a frantic pace, overextended and uninspired, it points at a need to let go, to go with the flow, to be more objective. All reasons why I joined ADF.

Meditation: I grabbed my amethyst Kuan Yin figurine and worked on finding a position that was comfortable but that wasn’t good enough to start out. So I did a lemniscate pose(sitting on floor, palm of right hand to bottom of left foot, palm of left hand to bottom of left foot) and breathed for a time. After a time I went into a more traditional meditation pose with the figurine between my hands. I breathed, my mind wandered. I pictured sitting at the foot of a large oak tree. I closed my mental eyes and worked on breathing. I tried to let go any thoughts that kept pinging for attention. I then went through my chakras, concentrating on them to try to deepen into trance state which is very difficult for me. Base/red/pink elephant with white polka dots; womb/orange/sun/lion; yellow/gut/ golden hind; heart/green/jeweled frog; throat/blue/small blue monkey; third eye/purple/amethyst eye with dragonfly pupil… crown changed from a serpent like dragon that extended down my spine into an octopus whose tentacles were still trying to find correct placement.  I contemplated the octopus until I was floating along under the sea in a weightless manner. I continued to study the octopus, with its tentacles seemingly having a separate life of their own but at the same time all attached to one being, one intelligent mind that doesn’t seem in conflict with itself. It occurred to me that *I* am an octopus…one part of me is a wife, another a mother, another a daughter, a crafter, a spiritual being, a writer, a sensual woman and me, the quirky individual. I have so many parts of me fighting for attention that some of it gets neglected at one point or another. I need to work more on balancing my “tentacles” because they are all a part of me and neither more important than the other.

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