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PBP: Reverence Rambling

September 4, 2012

Reverence is a feeling of connection and deep respect tinged with awe, love and maybe a little fear. It is an active feeling in that it urges one to do something for that which inspired the feeling. Reverence for the Divine reminds one that human life is finite and limited in scope, in understanding. Reverence inspires one to act rightly, humbly and with the desire to improve one’s self and society in general. Hubris is simply the opposite of reverence. To forget that you are only human, to think you are god-like is hubris. An irreverent person is arrogant and disrespectful to the gods and their fellow mortals. A sense of awe is needed. The feeling that no matter what you do or who you are, there is something, some one better, greater than you and that someone cares about you.

I’ve been pagan (or polytheistic) for over 17 years. I’ve had flashes of reverence for many gods, but they were always fleeting. Enough to emphasize my beliefs yet left me in despair. It was like a connection that couldn’t be maintained. The absence of which made me feel…less, unworthy. I rarely if ever felt reverence when I was a Christian and I so wanted it. Instead the rituals, the lore made me irritable and angry because something was missing (besides the lack of respect for the feminine. Once I started walking the paths with Zeus I found that feeling. A feeling that grew and strengthened, instead of disappearing like incense whose scent eventually fades…reverence for a god who cared about me despite my sex, despite my flaws. This feeling became so strong that I feared becoming unbalanced in the way that Christianity has become with the lack of the Divine Feminine.

So I asked Zeus for a goddess to help me maintain a balanced perspective. Who arrived is not just Hera or Hekate or any of the other Greek goddesses. She is a combination of them all and yet wholly herself (at least the best that I can tell which isn’t very well at all). Yet again, I only get occasional flashes of that reverent feeling which leads me to wonder if I erred in my questing for a balance, for a feeling of reverence for the Feminine that grows strong instead of fleeting. Was it irreverent to ask? Would it be irreverent to back away? Should I just try harder? Try differently? All I want is a feeling of connection, of reverence, of belonging with one who is the Divine reflection of me to match the feeling I have with Zeus.  Yet I fear that my childish desire was disrespectful instead…

“a year of exploring the Pagan world through blogging”

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