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Being overwhelmed

January 16, 2012

I haven’t had much to say of late.  I’m feeling overwhelmed by my sister’s problems.  I want to fix them and I can’t.  I want to actively help but I can’t be there and I do not have the financial withal to help her out either.  All I can do is be emotionally supportive and give advice.  It is killing me.  She’s my little sister.  The one who I could tease but others could not.  The one who I used to tell “lie to our parents all you want but tell me the truth so that I can pull you out if necessary.”  It’s like she is in a foreign land (Well it is Texas).  I can’t be there to cheer her up or kick her in the butt when needed.  I can’t help with her kids or punch the man she married in the nose (Ok, that MIGHT be a good thing).

What kills me more is I wasn’t there to help her make better decisions about her marriage and how to handle the internal issues.  I wasn’t there to give her the “Umm sis, that isn’t right and you should not take/do that.” I’m not there to elbow her to shut up when needed or nudge her to speak up when she should.  (What do you mean how do I know she would listen?  Of course she would I’m her SISTER!)  I feel like I’ve failed her.

Logically I realize that this is not my fault. She isn’t a child and not even my child.  I can’t do it for her and I can’t make her do it the way I would do it as she is NOT me.  She has got to take responsibility.  She’s got to fix her own problems and roll with the punches as they come at her.  She/I need to face that things probably will NOT go the way we would like and that we will have to deal with them the best we can.  This is NOT my responsibility but hers.

I need to be supportive and advise where I can…yet it doesn’t feel like I’m doing enough.  My gut is churning like I’m making a bunch of butter.  I’m not doing my sleep issues any favors either.  Can you tell I’m on a hamster’s wheel of doom?  Running, running, running and not getting anywhere but tired…oh so tired.

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