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Thankful Day18

November 18, 2011

As the month goes on, it gets harder to think of what to be thankful for that I haven’t already mentioned.  So I don’t have any big things to be thankful for, just a bunch of little ones

  • My sister made it safely to Denver.
  • It occurred to me that my reactions to this head cold remind me of my allergies, so I tool some allergy meds.  I stopped sneezing and my nose stopped dripping
  • Reading “Gates of Fire” by Steven Pressfield.  I’m very thankful I picked this up.  The author’s imaginings of Sparta are thrilling.
  • I got enough money leftover from paying bills this month that I can do a little holiday shopping.
  • my son is looking forward to spending time with his cousins.

As much as I am looking forward to seeing my sister and spending time with my family, I am dreading it too.  Often times it seems that I have ceased to have an identity now that I have a child.  I’m only the grandchild/nephew’s mother.  I often feel that I no longer get any consideration unless it bears on my son. The order of consideration seems to be my dad, the grandkids, my sister then me and my husband.  I’d think that it was me overreacting if it wasn’t for my husband who it put into words for me last night. I told him that I wanted to go down and didn’t all at the same time.  Yet I couldn’t explain why.  So he explained it to me, hitting the nail on the head and hard.  He even admitted that it wasn’t just my parents that do this but his also.  (Only with his mother it seems to be his brothers and then the grandchildren before everyone else no matter what.)

It brought to mind the birthday that I spent with my mom, my sister and the kids where none of them remembered it was my birthday until it was almost over.  Very hurt, I was.  Anytime I’ve tried to discuss this with my mom I get something along the line of “you have your husband who takes terrific care of you and your sister doesn’t have someone like that”.  Not sure how that makes everything ok.  But then I’m sure my parents feel that we give more consideration to Hubby’s parents than them.  Hubby’s parents used to make us feel included and were always willing to lend a hand or an ear and to be fair they have been very generous over the years.  My parents, no so much, as they always had their own life and their own plans and couldn’t go out of their way.

Oh never mind.  I’m feeling moody and blue and having a case of the “I don’t wanna”s.  Not a very thankful sounding post is it?

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