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Thankful Day 16

November 17, 2011
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I have a love-hate relationship with being a mother.  I love my son.  Bunches and lots.  But I do hate some of the changes that motherhood has forced upon me.  I never expected to be a mother.  I didn’t get pregnant until after 11 YEARS of no birth control.  He came into our lives 2 years after we’d given up.  Hell, we even bought various crystal dishes for every day use.  At 35 years old, I’d gotten very used to doing what I wanted and when I wanted with only my husband to consider and he pretty much gave me a free hand.

Having a child changes everything.  Your life is now set to the child’s schedule.  Your life is no longer your own.  You lose your identity.  Some days even getting a shower is beyond you.  You are concerned with them getting not only enough food, but enough quality food.  You worry about them getting enough sleep and making correct decisions even when you are NOT at their side. You worry about their health and their education.  You worry about their interactions with others. You worry about how to discipline in such a way that works for that child and convinces him to walk the correct path in life without stepping over doing or becoming a pushover.

I hate being a disciplinarian but I’d hate even more for my son to be a brat and with him being an only child, that is entirely too possible I fear.  I worry about the issues he develops because of me for the Gods know that I’m nowhere close to being a perfect mother.  I’m short tempered, impatient and probably too strict.  I’ve never been interested in cars and super heroes have long ago ceased to thrill me, so I make him a lousy playmate too.  Neither am I as active as he or his father.  Some days it seems the only area that my son and I have in common is our enjoyment of books.

Every once in while, I get an indication that I must be doing something right.  Today, my son’s preschool class walked to the town library.  While on the way in, one of his classmates tripped on the stairs scraping her face up.  This little girl is one of my son’s special friends.  He felt very bad for her.  He told his teacher (who told me saying that he is such the little gentleman) that he wished he been near her so that he could have caught her to prevent her fall.  At lunch repeatedly looked over at her and finally asked if she was ok.  When I picked him up, there was a paper in his cubby.  He showed it to me.  The same little girl colored a cupid for him.  He said he wanted to hang it in his room to “remember her”.  When we started to leave the same little girl came over and gave him a hug.

It is little things like this that give me a little more faith in how I’m doing as a mother.  I’m always pleased about these moments because they shore me up for the next unpleasant parental duty.   So today I am thankful for the tender-hearted actions of my beloved son who gives me the courage to stay the sometimes difficult course of making him into a good, caring man.

“you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are blue
don’t you know son
how much I love you
my darling son,
your daddy loves you too.”

2 Comments leave one →
  1. November 17, 2011 7:28 PM

    That is SO sweet (your son’s reaction), it brought tears to my eyes :’) _I_ couldn’t be a mother – nuh-uh – and I can’t imagine having to change my very settled ways at this age (35, too). You’re a strong, brave lady. Like I tell our other friends: _everyone_ screws up their kids, regardless, so don’t worry about it 😉


    • November 17, 2011 10:14 PM

      While you were incommunicado, I turned 40. I got pregnant at 35.

      Thanks, I just would like to screw him up in better ways than others. 🙂


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